It's All Good

Today two teen-agers dropped in on me at the office. With the length of my to-do list, I would not have brooked an interruption from an adult, but somehow, perhaps as a result of occupying the role of grandmother for part of each week, I am not able to tell innocently trusting souls that I have no time for them. The interruption changed the planned flow of my afternoon, but it also brought me the welcome gift of a tranquil state of mind.

After the unexpected visit was over, I had returned to my work when another unexpected interruption arose, from an employee who is not a teen-ager. Normally I would be ungracious or even surly about this, but because I had been softened up by the kids I was patient with the interruption. I thought about what I wanted to say and do; and then I thought about what would be pleasant to say and do; and I chose the latter.

These two small incidents made me reflect on the inward standards that I apply when I choose to hold people accountable for their behavior. I certainly expect far more from adults than from teens; more from teens than from young children; more from young children than from babies. More from experienced adults than from rookies; more from community elders than from the middle-aged. I have a structured set of expectations that I apply based on my assessment of what the other person should know or understand. I believe that mature people should exercise good judgment, should foresee problems and act to forestall them, should plan ahead, should practice good time management, should be unselfish, should be practical, should be wise.

It will not surprise the thoughtful reader when I write that I am frequently frustrated, stressed, and disappointed.

I can remember being angry when a well-paid person did not perform at a high level. I can remember scorning someone with an advanced degree who did not exhibit excellent judgment. I can remember many moments when I compared what the universe was delivering to me with the concept that I was seeking to impose on the universe. No matter how I would rage, of course, the universe never changed what was on offer. Instead, I would hurt someone's feelings or isolate myself in order to preserve my opinion. Either way, I never won. The universe won every time. And the universe has gone on delivering whatever it darn well pleases without much regard for my opinions.

But don't we have to have standards? How can you supervise workers without expecting things from people? How can you prepare children for life if you let them do whatever they want all the time? What about aesthetics? What about productivity? What about justice?

I have recently felt a mild irritation each time I hear the catch phrase currently much in use as a slang way of saying "No worries," (I think): "It's all good." The mild irritation seems to arise from my suspicion that I don't really get the meaning of the phrase. It is a phrase used by people much younger than I. I suspect that they don't really understand what's going on, or they would never say or believe that it's all good. These might be people who don't think things through, or take precautions, or save for a rainy day. "It's all good," you say? You don't know the half of it.

But, this afternoon, I can say with the youngest of them, "It's all good." I am not going to get to the end of my to-do list. I am not going to accomplish most of the goals I set this morning. I certainly didn't set the goal of ending my day in a state of peaceful reflection, facing some of my shortcomings and telling you about them in a friendly and frank recital. Who knew that letting the universe win would feel so good?

Thank you, interrupters. You interrupted a sterile concept in mid-flight and replaced it with the nourishment of reality. On the side of the angels? You bet, if the angels are the messengers of the universe. It's all good.