Zoe's Independence Day

My granddaughter was born on July 3, 2003. Today is her 5th birthday. Late in my daughter's term, the baby was presenting breech (feet down instead of head down). This makes for a difficult labor for mother and baby, so we were all hoping that the baby would "turn," or rotate so her head would be down. Two weeks before the due date, the baby turned! Sighs of relief all around.

Then, during the last week of the pregnancy, the baby turned again, resuming the breech position. The baby, despite all our wishes, prayers, and crossed fingers, refused to lower her head. My daughter and her husband and her obstetrician agreed that she would submit to a Caesarean birth, since the breech position could lead to complications. The birth took place as planned. The baby was fine. My daughter had a normal recovery (rather slow and painful). Five years later, none of us talks much about the Caesarean birth.

During those last two weeks of pregnancy, my thoughts were with my daughter and the new baby constantly. I devoutly wished for the baby to turn, because I hoped for the easiest and smoothest experience for both of them. When it became clear that the baby, although willing to try out the head-down position, really preferred to enter this world feet first, I began to reflect on her point of view.

What does it mean for a person to refuse to lower her head? Is it any different for a baby to take this position than for an adult to do so? The transition from life in the womb to life on earth is so profound that New Orleans residents who hold jazz funerals, joyfully marching with brass bands to accompany coffins to the cemetery, tell us that they cry when a baby is born and rejoice when that person passes on. Now that I am coming to know my granddaughter, I can confirm the intuition I had before her birth, that, for her, choosing to make this transition on her feet signaled a readiness to engage, a zest for life, a challenging stance, a sly form of humor. But mostly it represented other qualities -- her dignity, majesty, and, dare I say it, power.

Zoe is independent. While she is certainly capable of being a team player, willing to take her turn, usually cheerful when asked to compromise, she is very clear about her preferences, desires, and visions. She is able to express them verbally and will back them up with action if necessary. When she was very small, family members would take her to the local fireworks display every year. Sometimes, depending on the calendar, the fireworks were actually set off on July 3rd. We would tell her, playfully and indulgently, that the show was just for her birthday. This was not true, of course. But in a way, it was true. Every banquet that life sets on the table is for the ones who receive it as their own.

The innocence of this 5-year-old child sometimes pierces my heart with its purity. I know that through the experience of life on earth she will lose this innocence over time. I wish for her that, throughout her lifetime, her independence will restore to her some measure of innocence, perhaps the innocence that very old, gentle, and wise people sometimes have. Being independent means that you can choose not to be disappointed or thwarted in life. You can choose to be stubborn sometimes, when conditions threaten to compel your surrender. There is a time for surrender, too; and that time may call on the quality of independence (if other people are advising you to resist) just as much as the other. This inner-directed independence has something to do with authenticity, the ability to be oneself. Zoe has this abillity in spades.

It is wonderful to see a living manifestation of independence, not just an abstraction or a concept. It is wonderful to reflect on the possibilities that a community full of independent people (meaning people who are expressing their uniqueness) might achieve. Somehow, Zoe's life reminds me of the windmills I wrote about recently. By their movement, they enable us to see the wind. By her manner, Zoe enables me to see what independence looks like.

Happy Independence Day!